Shitty entry #1

A sad day begins when the alarm chirps in your ear without giving you so much as a startle before you swing your legs over the side of your bed, in a dark room, and cry into your sleepy eyes onto your shaking hands. The day starts without hope on a bed worn to a slope because the only person who lays in it for more than an occasional night is myself, and the edge i lay on is the same edge I wake from every night.

Digging for change to afford a cup of coffee and most of the time not being able to. Brushing my teeth with an electronic toothbrush that no longer works because i can't afford the two batteries it needs to spin. Putting one leg at a time through jeans as old as the job I wear them for, catching my toes on the holes and flinching at the prospect of making them larger; winter is coming. Placing a meager lunch of baked chicken and an apple into a King Soopers bag I reuse till it tears apart, and reaching for the keys to a car that at any second could fall apart while I'm driving and maybe hurt me or someone else.

8 hours pass as they do, sometimes fast sometimes slow. Always sadly and always by the end of the day having succeeded in sucking me dry of every ounce of ambition and hope I have.

A drive home with a mind so given in to the concept of unhappiness the hour in traffic isn't remotely bothersome because it delays the moment I open my door. My door to an empty house that reflects my fuckitall attitude.

I've turned sour. I don't have a skip in my step. I don't have goals anymore. I don't care. The terrible reason behind this is so stupid, but I have been hurt by every single woman I have ever dated. Every fucking one of them.

I used to want to kids. Not anymore. I used to want to get married. Not anymore. I used to want a lot of things. Not so much anymore.

I'm over it. I'm pissed off and hurt and I don't even want to write. I thought it would help but all its doing is hurting more.